One of the deepest pains of motherhood is watching your child go through suffering. The oneness with your child is so complete that all you want is for it to stop, right now. A child can go through very difficult experiences that affect their physical and emotional health. Sometimes, they even carry these experiences alone, without sharing them. It might be sexual abuse, fears of different kinds, a family or relationship crisis, social rejection, a big disappointment, illness — either their own or someone close — or a struggle fitting into a new environment. Can it really be that a mother senses something is wrong with her child, that something has changed, that something is off, and yet doesn’t understand what’s truly happening? Yes, it can. And if that surprises you, know that this is not rare — and it’s important that we talk about it. When children — at any age — go through pain, mothers often feel helpless and heartbroken. Instinctively, and without intending to, they may close their eyes and ears. It can feel easier not to see and not to hear. How can it be that the person who loves the child most — who wants nothing but their joy and health — might not know what’s going on in their life? Over the years, I’ve noticed that many mothers prefer, unconsciously, not to face their children’s struggles. From experience, there are usually three main reasons for this:

1. They are frozen, terrified, or feel powerless to act.
2. Facing it awakens from their past old pains they would rather not reopen.
3. They are already emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed by their own difficulties, and simply can’t carry one more layer of pain — not even their child’s.

So, without realizing it, many mothers disconnect from feeling. They cover their eyes and ears, preferring not to know… until the moment comes when they can no longer ignore it. In one of my Restart programs, a mother shared that her teenage daughter had been struggling for a long time — restless, angry, often having nighttime accidents. The mother made it her Restart goal to improve their relationship. Three weeks later, something began to shift between them. And then, a miracle happened. The daughter opened her heart and told her secret: for almost a year, she had been a target of severe social bullying — verbal, physical, and emotional abuse from her classmates. The mother sat beside her, listened deeply, and held space for her daughter’s pain — no judgment, no fixing, just presence and love. The mother didn’t change her daughter; she changed herself. That inner transformation created the safety the daughter needed to open up. She held her close — in body and spirit — and together they began their journey of healing. How quickly did her daughter’s condition improve? Very quickly. The girl became calmer, more peaceful… even the bedwetting stopped. Imagine the relief she must have felt, finally sharing her secret — finding her mother not as a judge or rescuer, but as a safe, loving ally. Sometimes, the very act of being seen is what heals. So yes — there are children walking this world without real support, not because their parents don’t care, but because they simply don’t know. What can you do when your child doesn’t open up? To help your child share their truth, they must feel:

• That you are emotionally available.
• That you genuinely want to know.
• That you have the capacity to help.
• That you are strong enough to hold their pain.
• That you will not react with anger, judgment, or collapse.
• And most of all — that you will simply be there, wrapping them in the love you always wished to receive yourself.

Close your eyes for a moment and think of yourself at your child’s age. What kind of presence would have made you feel safe to talk? What did you need from your parents to feel understood and protected? What you longed for then, your child longs for now. So roll up your sleeves, take off the blindfolds and earplugs, and choose — in every moment — to see, hear, and feel your children. Yes, it may hurt. But the pain of facing the truth is always less than the pain of not facing it. With love,
Hannah ❤️